Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
