is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
