Your dad touched me again.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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