Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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