I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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