LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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