By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you didnt know i had herpes?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
