I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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