How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
