So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
