So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
