thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
