i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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