I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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