dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
