I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
