the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
