like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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