I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Acid is not a monday night drug
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
