He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
