did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
