CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
