You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
