If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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