A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
