take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
