i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
