Me too!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
