She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
