so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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