i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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