Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
