i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
