I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
