I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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