Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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