Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i may or may not be watching the land before time
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
