everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
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