I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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