JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
