why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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