Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
