There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
