dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
