OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
