Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
