I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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