i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
