just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
