This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
