i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
